I wanna bring you to show and tell
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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