I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
