: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
You can't special order awesome
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
