clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
