Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
