It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
i've created a new STD.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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