when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Randomize
