I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
