I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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