just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
