My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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