put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
My vagina just recognized that song.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
