It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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