i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
