I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
50% drunk capacity currently
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
