By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
