he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
We are all done wearing pants today
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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