i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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