You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
