but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
