just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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