Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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