Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
