So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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