U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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