there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
