Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
my vag is so smooth its legendary
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
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