I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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