i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
