Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
