im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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