After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
