their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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