it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
