Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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