The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
