Where are you?
In a non slutty way
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
