Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
