This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
