Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
