Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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