It's Friday. Sex?
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
