help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
