yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
