a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
