dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
