why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
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