I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
