Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Randomize
