My nipple is on Facebook.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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