Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
