no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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