I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
