just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
