he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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