dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
