I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
