the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
